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* Short Jokes *

Living Will

Last night as my wife and I were sitting in the living room watching one of those medical shows on TV, I said to her... "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

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HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE

1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "Housework."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"
6. Calmly answer, "Yes" and press the mouse button firmly......
7. Feel better?

Works for me!

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Good Fairy

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and told them that because they had been so good, that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh! Immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

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Housework-Challenged Husband

One day my husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me... "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends", I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma".

Nuff said!

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Don't Lie To Mom

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious that there was a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she became surer of her suspicions. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered... "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?". John said, "Well I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure". So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you took a gravy ladle from my house and I'm not saying you didn't, but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner".

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read, "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you sleep with Julie and I'm not saying that you don't, but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom".

Lesson of the day: don't lie to your mother!