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* No Nursing Home For Me *

About 2 years ago my wife I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, instead he said all he knew was that she had been aboard the last four cruises.

As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye & stopped to say hello. We chatted & I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises." She replied, "Yes, that's true." I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, "It's cheaper than a nursing home."

So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old & feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount & senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day, if I can waddle to the restaurant or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers & dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste, razors, soap & shampoo.

5. They'll even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything & apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets & towels every day... and you don't even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home & break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall & break a hip on the Princess ship they'll upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go?

Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

PS - And don't forget... when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge!